I love playing out alternate realities. They fascinate me. Here’s mine for the day:
This time one year ago Lloyd gets back from Texas and is confronted by his wife for these flirty pics with women in Texas. In a tearful “Come to Jesus” moment, Lloyd explains that he always felt insecure as an overweight, unattractive man with a horrible chin and a Muppet nose. He admits he is wrong to create online dating profiles and arranging meetups. No more! I have you and the girls!
Dijana privately wipes her brow and thinks: “Now if I can just get him to give up prostitutes, then everything will be perfect”
10 months later Lloyd is closing in on 1200 patrons and has just signed the final papers on his beach house. A DM comes through. “Probably another fan wanting to be on my channel with an uninteresting sob story about being shunned”. But no, it’s Jan Nielsen from Norway, giving him an inside scoop on huge legal news from Norway.
Lloyd stands up and summons his JW Watch crew on WhatsApp.
“I must go to Norway! The people have called and they need me and my take on it! Oh and also some tickets for the wife and my two girls please. Tease something huge is coming up and see how much you can collect”
After doing interviews with Jan and Jonas, as well as a livestream where he collects €4000 in Superchats, he saunters off to his promised Norway exJW meetup. The ladies pose with him like he’s Mick Jagger and he only wishes he could slip them a note with his room number. “Oh no, what a time to get those damn blue balls again!” At the dinner at an expensive restaurant he asks his Norwegian hosts if Oslo has a red light district and if so, where is it? Lloyd changes the subject when the cheque comes and pretends to not see it.
After one day’s hard work, the Evans family heads to the Norwegian cruise ship dock for the round trip to Nord Kapp and Kirkenes. Their Norwegian hosts wish them well, knowing how funds collected for his visit were also funneled into paying for this. Lloyd and family visit the stunning fiords and Dijana gets to go on one of her beloved whale watching tours.
They pose at Nord Kapp, the northernmost point in Europe with the Northern Lights in the background. His Twitter post has 900 likes. In Kirkenes, he makes another post how he is mere kilometres from the Russian border and puts up several Ukrainian flag emojis in support. He makes a short handheld video for Tibor to edit later.
Back in Croatia, he relates to his wife that he must go to Zagreb for a few days. “Why?”, he is asked. Furrowing his brow in astonishment at being asked such a question, he responds “I am meeting with Tibor to work on some follow up with my Norwegian videos and to begin work on my next documentary!”
After checking into his Zagreb hotel, he loosens his trousers, knowing that his blue balls problem will soon be handled and handled well.